Not A Day Goes By
by Ice Bear
Summary: A day in the life from Van's stream of consciousness. Second chapter deals with the same events from Deaq's POV. Third chapter covers Billie's POV.
1. Chapter 1

Not a Day Goes By

_The guys aren't mind - Though if they were, I would share_

It's too early in the morning to be busting anything but a few zzzz's, but what Billie wants, Billie gets. I don't really want to do this, not today. Today my plan was to stay home, in bed.

And then she goes and makes us put on vests – like she thinks something bad is going to happen. She never makes us wear vests. Besides, nobody knows better than me that vests don't stop every bullet …again that's why I don't want to be out here, not today.

I don't know if Deaq and Billie even know what today is…they certainly don't seem to. Of course, I was the only one with a front row seat.

And where the hell are those buyers anyway? At least if they want such an early morning business deal they could have the courtesy to show up on time. Deaq seems to be very relaxed about the whole thing. Looking at him slumped in the seat beside me, I'm not even sure he's awake. Well, I guess he doesn't really need to be until they get here. And to be honest I'm not sure I'd be good company right now. But being alone with my thoughts isn't doing much for my composure.

Oops – there they are, okay come on Deaqon, wakey wakey, we got a job to do. He smiles at me like it is the most natural thing in the world – waking up in a car with me in the driver's seat. Sometimes I really think we spend far too much time together. But his relaxed attitude tells me that he hasn't figured out what today is, or he wouldn't be looking at me at all…

Wait, they have two extra guys – that was definitely not part of the plan. I tell Billie it's time to abort, but from the comfy safety of her car – 50 yards back – she says go with it. And Deaq's nodding like its no big deal. Damn I knew I should have come down with some fatal disease last night, got to remember to get one of those medical dictionaries so I can come up with a credible list of symptoms. Of course the way my gut is screaming right now, I might not have to worry about making up something fatal.

Okay just take it easy now. Keep it calm and even and smile, never let 'em see you sweat. That's what Dre always used to say when we were headed for trouble. Not a good thing to be thinking about right now. Look at Deaq, you'd think he was at his high school reunion or something they ways he's hanging with these guys. He always makes it look so easy, but then again he is Dre's brother…no, not now. We can't afford me to freak out now, later when I'm alone…but not now.

Just show us the drugs, come on. I'm tired of waiting. First you're late, then you show up with extra guys who were definitely not on the invite list and now you want to have some kind of Hands Across America moment. The goods please, it's just too early in the morning for any more games. Oh God, I think I said that out loud. I must have from the weird look I'm getting from my partner.

Good, the merchandise. Deaq does his thing like the gang banger he was, and at his nod I hand over the money, but…no. God, no. It can't be. There's a glint of the rising sun off a gun barrel off to the left. Deaq get down! No! No! No! It can't be happening, no please not again.

My hand is shaking so hard, I'm not sure I can hit the building, let alone the shooter…don't think just aim and squeeze, that's right you can do this in your sleep. Aim and squeeze. There seems to be a lot of shooting, but I can't see anything but that gun barrel. It's not going to happen again, I can't let it - I won't. Aim and squeeze, boy, aim and squeeze.

Thank god, the SWAT team. They sure as hell took their sweet time getting here. Can't pay attention though, aim and squeeze, grab the backup piece, not time to change clips. Aim and squeeze.

I watch the rifle barrel fall – finally got the son of a bitch. Okay now if I could just remember how to breathe. I can't breathe. Come on man, get yourself up off the pavement. That's it, up you go. Wait…Deaq, where the hell is Deaq? Oh, there he is, and he's laughing and moving. Easy, just one step at a time. Make it to the car and sit down. Yeah that's a good plan. Made it. Head between the knees, damn why is it so hard to take a breath.

Okay here comes Billie. Bet she doesn't know her heels give her away, even when she's trying to be quiet. Better buck up. Just lean back against the seat like you're catching up on your beauty sleep. She thinks you're a classic screw up anyway. Why ruin the image?

It is official. I just entered an alternate universe cause Billie told us to head back to the Store and start on the paperwork. She's going to deal with the cleanup. Okay, I know I should be concerned, call Parrish, maybe the department psychiatrist, but who am I to argue. Not going to the Store though. Deaq's on the other side of the parking lot, so it'll take him a few minutes to figure out I'm gone.

I meant to go home…well the hotel. How did I end up here? Shouldn't be surprised, after all it's an anniversary…365 days…I wonder if I can even find the place. Who do I think I'm kidding? I could find it blindfolded.

Hey Dre, long time I know. I wish…yeah, I remember. Wish in one hand, spit in the other and see which one gets filled first. You always had a line didn't ya? But did you have to give them all to Deaq? There are days he sounds so much like you, that I think…

Damn Dre, I didn't mean to get all sensitive on you…my dad always said that that was my problem. He got out on parole, you know. I helped him. Got him a legit job, he didn't take it of course -- decided to stay on the other side. Ran off with some blonde younger then me…Deaq, though, he stuck with me through all that. Even after I shot him …it was justified, honest. A mark was going to put him on the front of a bike and use him as a shield to get by a SWAT team. Oh, by the way, I shot him in the ass…He thinks I ruined his best feature…he has an even bigger ego then you -- wasn't sure that was possible.

He had a run in with a memory. Didn't trust me enough to tell me the whole story and then got all out of joint when I called him on it…don't know why you Hayes boys always insist on being right even when you're not. It's damned annoying if you ask me. I almost bailed on him Dre – for lying to me. You know how much I hate being lied to.

Funny thing, I trust him with everything, which only seems to annoy him. He doesn't trust me with anything. But I guess I shouldn't blame him. Why would I expect him to trust me, after what happened to you?

I miss ya partner, think of you every single day. I really…I miss your steadiness, your guidance. Although if you knew some of the stuff I'd been up to, you would so kick my ass. And your brother – he takes that whole Hayes, don't cross the double line stuff, real serious, at least as it applies to me. He doesn't take his own advice, but he tries hard to keep me in line. You should tell him it isn't worth the effort.

I just wonder…and I'm sorry for getting your dad into a case. But Deaq was so sad, so alone. I didn't know what else to do. He wouldn't talk to me…seemed to think I had no idea what it was like to miss you…anyway it turned out alright in the end, and Deaq does spend some time with your folks. Doesn't want me around though, and you know how much I loved hanging with your family. But I do understand, really. I'm not family.

But the lack of trust Dre, that I don't get. I've tried everything. But it doesn't seem to matter. After getting you killed, maybe I'm just kidding myself that he would ever want to be a friend, let along trust me, but damn, I've tried…

Oh man, I can't believe I fell asleep. Sorry, it's been a few days since I got to sleep in a real bed. But you understand that. So many days we ran on empty…God Dre, I wish I understood it all. Kane went down, but to my dying day, I'll never know why he took you out. It hurts, as much today as it did back then…

What, I…Dre…no it's Deaq and he doesn't look too happy, but then again what's new? Guess he's mad that I wanted to spend today with you. But …wait…he's taking off my shirt and the…I forgot I had the vest on, explains why it's so hot. But why's he so interested in the vest. Stop it! Damn, it hurts when you press there.

Who does he think he is, picking me up like I'm a load of laundry? It does make it easier than trying to walk to the car, which appears to have moved from where I parked it earlier. Why is he…he looks worried. It's a little more comfortable here in the car…

Wait, the hospital? Who does he think he is? I wasn't hurting anybody at the cemetery. What does he want? Not the doctor, I don't need one of those. Yeah, I'm hot and my chest hurts, so what. I hurt a lot of the time. Not always physical…but Deaq doesn't know that. Why does he still look so upset?

What…where the hell…not the hotel, not the office…oh yeah, the hospital. And there's someone in the chair. Deaq? I don't understand. God my chest hurts; guess sitting up isn't such a good idea. Oh no, he's awake. This must be the part where he tells me he wants a new partner. No yelling…hmm…that's a new approach. Not even his "what's up with Van" face. He looks, sad, I think. What's he doing? Holding my hand? Guess he's going to let me down gently.

No, he looks…worried? I think I must be a little loopy, because I would swear he just said I'd been shot and am suffering from heat stroke. Now I'm pretty sure I would have remembered being shot at least. Not shot, just took a bullet in the vest. That's why I had the vest on. Come on, he can't seriously be mad at me about that!

Why should he remember what today is? He wasn't the one who got his brother killed…okay something is seriously off here. He just called me baby. I can count the number of times he's done that on one hand. It's one of his tells – one he uses only when he's really upset.

Maybe I have a concussion, because I swear he just apologized to me, and my experience with the Hayes men is that they do not apologize-ever- for anything. Damn, I hate it when he has that look…smile, that's what I should do. Smile, there, that seems to be working. He's smiling back. Maybe he won't mind if I just close my eyes for a few minutes. I'm so tired.

He's settling back in the chair. Looks like he's going to stay with me. Now that I think of it, ever since we became partners, I've never woken up alone in the hospital. And when I was poisoned – he wouldn't leave my side. Maybe I've misjudged some things along the way.

Dre…don't know quite what to think. I wouldn't have Deaq without…maybe he's just your way of making sure someone is looking out for me…wouldn't put it past you. You always were a bit of a control freak…


	2. Chapter 2

Not a Day Goes By - _Deaq's view of the day _

_I hadn't planned on a second chapter, but I certainly couldn't say no when asked...hope it doesn't disappoint. _

It's too early in the morning to be busting anything, but what Billie wants, Billie gets. I would much rather be home in bed, but that clearly isn't in the cards. And what's with the vests? I mean we never wear vests – even when we want to, she says no. But I learned a long time ago that you pick your battles with Billie carefully, and this one just isn't worth it. My partner, on the other hand, has yet to learn that valuable lesson.

He's been a little off all week. I can't really put my finger on it…it's not like he isn't doing his job …it's just that something's missing. Even his tirade about the vests is lacking the usual Van Ray passion. I'm hoping that once this bust is over I can get him to talk to me – maybe I'll tell him its time for another surf lesson. There's no way he'd turn that offer down.

And now he's grousing about the buyers being late. I'm scrunched here in the passenger seat, hoping that he won't figure out I'm awake. It gives me a chance to check him out. He isn't wearing his Strummer persona this morning, which is really weird. Usually Strummer shows up a couple of hours before the bust, but now, I'm sitting here with my partner – my cop partner. And he's nervous. I wish this bust was over. Something is definitely wrong here.

Okay here they are. He's giving me a gentle push and calling me 'come on Deaqon, wakey wakey, we got a job to do.' I smile at him, hoping that maybe it'll help calm him down. But he's looking at me funny – like I'm supposed to understand what is going on – but for the life of me, I can't figure it out.

Damn, they brought two extra guys – that wasn't part of the original plan -but then it was Van who said that he figured they'd up the ante. So why is he the one yelling at Billie to abort the bust? I shake my head but stop when it earns me a dirty look. We both know that Billie won't call off the bust. Hell, they could have showed up with 50 extra guys and she'd tell us to get going. Van looks – tense – usually this type of thing just ramps him up, and he gets this little smirk thing going. I call it the 'Van's going to kick some serious butt' smirk. And all of a sudden I would give about anything for that smirk. I honestly don't know what to do with a tense Van.

He's taking a deep breath, releasing it. Okay he's back on track. Although I would swear he was talking to himself – and that's a Ray thing, not a Strummer thing. This is not going to be good. I better – nope there he is – a smile, a shrug and Strummer is with me. Okay, piece of cake. Just in case, I better spread a little of that Hayes charm on these guys. Usually Van has enough for the two of us, but I think I'll step it up today – just to make sure.

Please tell me I'm hearing things? He didn't just accuse them of holding a 'Hands Across America' moment? What is wrong with that boy? Does he have a death wish or what? And he's looking at ME funny? Thank God, the merchandise. At least he's remembering to hand over the money.

He's yelling – what the hell? It's too damn early to be getting shot at. What is he shooting at? God damn, they brought a sniper! I can't believe these guys are smart enough for this shit. Van's so fixated on the guy, I can't get his attention. Where's the freaking backup? Come on Billie, we need some help here.

Thank god, the SWAT team. What'd they do, take a nap first? Need to get to Van. He's still shooting – he's reaching for his backup piece – the boy can focus, I gotta give him that. And he did it! That'll teach you to mess with my partner you son of a bitch. Need to…nope, Billie wants something. He's moving so he's okay. I'll catch up with him in a minute.

Next thing I know Billie's telling me to head back to the store with Van but he's already taken off. I'm going to kick that scrawny ass of his…he's not answering his cell. That boy is going to pay for this. Now I have to help with clean up.

Okay, I've dropped Billie off, and she tells me to go find my wayward partner. He's not answering the phone, so I check the hotel, call Aquarius, check out three beaches he tends to hang at…now I'm officially worried. He's been gone for six hours. Usually when he's upset he comes to me – or asks to hang. He doesn't run. Even Billie knows something's not right. I can tell by her voice – it's gone up an octave - that only happens when she's really worried.

Where the hell are you, Van? I can't help you if I can't find you. Damn, if something's happened…no, not going there. There's no reason too. I know something's been bothering him, and he probably just wanted time to sort it out. Now if I could just sell that bedtime story to myself.

Billie's back on the phone. Why does she ask me about the date? I know it's Wednesday…no she wants the date…oh my god! How could I not know? Damn. I know where he is. Not sure why or how, but I know without a doubt where to find my partner.

I can't believe my hands' are shaking. There's the car. Wonder if I can…pretty bad when I try to play myself. I think I could find my way blindfolded. There he is. Breathe Hayes, breathe. He's fine…well…he looks like he's asleep. He looks so…lost, huddled beside my brother's – his friend's – tombstone.

He's never really talked about Dre. I thought after a couple of weeks of getting to know each other, he'd start telling stories. And there must be some pretty silly stories because he and my brother had to mix about as well as oil and water. Sometimes late at night when we're driving back from an assignment, or sitting together watching a game, he looks at me with those big green eyes, and I know he's thinking about Dre. And I think this will finally be the time he talks. But then the eyes cloud over, and the moment is gone.

I guess I never really stopped to think about how hard this has been for him. I would have loved to have seen them together. Billie says they were the best – well not counting me and Van – but she said they rocked.

Hey big brother. Sorry it's been so long. Thanks for looking after our boy. I knew he was off Dre, just didn't connect the dots. It's not that I've forgotten…you know me better then that. It's just…well let's face it, I freaked out on your birthday. Why I didn't think that Van would do the same thing today, I just don't know. Maybe I thought he was beyond it. Who was I trying to kid? The boy will never forget.

You taught him well. He's a good partner, and he's been there for me, even when I did everything but push him away. I lied to him about Rosario – yeah she needed something so she looked me up – he read me the riot act, big time. I'm pretty sure he was using some of your best lines - but in the end, he was there for me. Got me out of a very sticky situation, too. And he's done everything he could to get me back in the family. He can be annoying as hell, but it worked. I've even played golf with Dad – and yes I remembered to let him win! I may be younger than you, but that doesn't make me stupid!

I just wish Van would talk to me – about you. There's so much I want to know. And I think it'd make him feel better too. But I don't even know where to start, big brother. I could use a little help, on that and on getting him to understand that I do trust him. He's so sure I don't. I do - I just have trouble showing it. Not like you apparently. Guess I'm still following in your foot steps, Dre.

He's burning up – what the hell! He's awake – or maybe not – he just called me Dre. He's out of it - - course it could be that he's been sitting out here in 90 degree heat for hours, and damn him, he still has the stupid vest on! Come on Van, let me help you out of that. There's – no, no, no – there's a bullet in the vest just over his right lung. Oh God - look at the bruising. Yeah I figured you'd flinch, that has to hurt like hell.

I need to get him to the ER and get him checked. This isn't good. I'm not sure he can walk, though. He's a lot lighter then he looks. I need to take the boy home for some more of mom's cooking. Thanks for looking after him Dre, I got it from here.

He's asleep – or unconscious, not sure which- but the air conditioning has to feel good to him. I wish I'd gotten some water down him. Better call Billie. Maybe she can get Dr. Grant. If he's on, he'll take good care of Van. He always does.

He seems a little more with it now that I've got him in the ER. Dr. Grant has always been good at letting me stay, but not this time. He's kicking me out. I don't want to go, please. I need to be here. He's going to be scared when he comes to. I don't want him to be alone. Okay, I'll go for now, but when you move him upstairs, I'm coming.

Come on V, wake up. I'm worried and I can't stand it when you're so still. It's wholly unnatural. Yes. He's awake. Ouch, guess he had to learn the hard way that sitting up after getting hit with a bullet – even if the vest caught it – does serious damage. Wait, he looks worried. I know I'm not thinking straight either, but I take his hand cause sometimes the only way to get through to him is by touch. It isn't working - he looks like he just lost his best friend or something.

Better tell him what happened. Take him through the day. Dr. Grant said the heat stroke would make him pretty woozy for a while. So let's see,to sum it up you got shot – thank God Billie made us wear vests today - you spent 8 hours in the stifling heat with no water and no shade, and oh yeah, you scared the crap out of me.

And since I'm on a role, I'm sorry I didn't realize what today meant to you. I knew it would be hard…I just wish you'd told me. I hope you'll forgive me, baby. I'll make it up to you. Maybe it's time we talked about Dre, shared some stories, compared lectures cause I'm pretty sure we got the same ones.

I must have gotten through somehow. He's smiling at me. Course I understand that he probably doesn't really understand why he's smiling, but I'll smile back. Good, it's working. He's drifting off. I fall into the chair and try to hold onto my emotions. He's such a good friend. I don't know what I'd do…not going there. Thank you for looking out for Van today. I'll pay more attention, I promise, and I'll force myself to get through those walls he keeps putting up.

Maybe I can take a nap too. After all, he'll probably sleep for a while. Nobody will know if I just put my head down. And I'll just hold onto his hand. That way if he wakes up, I'll know…


	3. Chapter 3

_Not a Day goes By – Part III – Billie's view point _

_I was asked to provide Billie's view on the whole affair – so here goes…_

I can't figure out what they're bitching about. It's not early for them – this is the time they usually get to bed, so it's not like I'm depriving them of their beauty sleep. The last thing those two pretty boys need is beauty sleep. You'd think they weren't used to being up for two, three days at a time they way they carried on about a 6:30 a.m. bust. As I reminded them, if the perp wants to show up at 6:30 a.m., they'd better. It's what the city pays them for.

As for the hysterics that went with my insistence on the vests – I sometimes long for a nice quiet desk job where I don't have to witness the drama queen, also known as Van Ray, pitch a hissy fit- because I think they should have a little extra protection. The perp knew what he was doing when he picked this place – the SWAT team and I have to stay way back, too far back for my taste, so I want to make sure if worst case happens – and with Van and Deaq that is pretty much a given – they have every advantage.

Funny thing, though, Van's performance was lacking some of its usual melodrama. It's almost like he did it simply out of habit. Not that the boy needs a reason to mount his soap box, but he has been a little off for the last few days. Nothing serious, but when this is over I guess I better have a little heart to heart and find out what is going on in that seriously twisted head of his. I can tell from watching Deaq that he feels it too.

Sometimes I think I should have my head examined for picking this undercover wonder – the kid had a childhood that makes Dickens look family friendly, and he takes everything to heart…Of course he is the best of the best. He can play anything, anybody at the drop of a hat, and when the shit hits the fan, there isn't anyone else I'd want beside me. Maybe one of these days I should tell him that…God it must be early if I'm thinking of confessing that secret!

And now he's grousing about the buyers being late. Sometimes he acts like he's wired solely for my entertainment. This is normal behavior so I take some comfort in that. Deaq's silence is new though – usually he joins in at this point. I think it's their way of working off the pre-bust jitters. I hate it when they don't play true to form. It's not that I expect them to be robots – okay sometimes late at night I fantasize about how easy that would make my life - but I don't like the funny feeling in my gut. Come on guys, get your act together.

Van's spotted them. I listen to him tell Deaq to wake up! There is no way he was really sleeping – that pit in my stomach is expanding. What! Additional players – not surprising since Van predicted it so why is he telling me to call it off. I try to control the tone of my voice as I inform my team to move forward…he knows we can't call it off now. That is really out of character for him. Usually the unexpected simply ramps him up another notch. I am so going to kick his ass when this over.

What's he doing talking to himself? Damn it all, if he screws this up so help me…That's right Deaq, use that smooth charm you're always bragging about to soothe things over. Thank heavens one of them has his head in the game. I cannot believe he's talking to the perps like that. Maybe I've been right all along and the light is on but nobody's home. Jesus Van, get your act together before I shoot you myself. Please tell me you didn't just accuse them of holding a 'Hands Across America' moment?

They're yelling – I can hear the shots – Move! Move! Move! Why didn't I listen to them and postpone? They'd better be alright when I get there or so help me…Come on move! Too far away, I knew I was right on the vests….just hang on guys, please. Okay let's check the situation out. I can see Deaq. Where's…what is Van shooting at? Oh god, a sniper. Damn, that was not in my contingency plan. He's totally focused – may be best to leave him to it and work on rounding up the rest of these idiots.

As I see the sniper go down, I make a promise never to tease Van again about all the time he spends at the firing range. Looks like the good guys came out of this in one piece for a change. That makes it one for the books. I motion Deaq to check the sniper while I head for Van. He's movement is a little awkward as he slips into the car. He's leaning back in the driver's seat, trying to look like he doesn't have a care in the world. Not buying it. I struggle with my feelings – do I strangle him for worrying me or hug him simply for being okay – no he needs his boss right now. He looks a little pale – probably just the post bust let down.

He's done his part today – they both have. So after I give him a hard time about his treatment of the perps, I tell him to grab his partner and head back to start the paperwork. He looks, confused? Well I guess it is a bit out of character on my part, but it's always good to keep them guessing.

So I'm standing here hip deep in SWAT members making sure we have everybody and the evidence techs are on the search for bullets when Deaq grabs me. What is he still doing here? Great, you try to do something nice and what does it get you – I can't believe Van took off without him – well I might as well get some work out of him since he's not taking my car!

Deaq looks worried as we drive back to the office. I agree that it is pretty unprofessional to refuse to answer your phone, but I'm sure we'll find Van back at the office, headphones on, working his way through the reams of paper this bust will generate. Deaq clearly wants to argue but instead turns his attention to the scenery.

I'm officially worried. He's not here. I was so sure…when have I ever really been sure what either one of them would do. Who am I kidding? I'm their boss. They show me what they want me to see - they're not the city's best undercover cops for nothing. Every once in a while I get a glimpse of the real guys who live under the complicated souls that are Van and Deaq. And right now I'm feeling a little uneasy as I see the concern in Deaq's eyes. He knows Van better then anyone and if he's worried, I am too. I try to cover it up, but he knows I feel it too when I send him on a mission to track Van down and drag his sorry ass back here.

He calls me from the car. He's been everywhere he knows to look and there is an edge of panic to his voice I haven't heard since Rudy took his partner. This is not gonna be good. At the start of their partnership, if Van had pulled this I wouldn't have thought much of it, but now…now they turn to each other not away when they have a problem. Guess that's what being best friends is all about. I admit I'm jealous of their relationship sometimes…they just get each other in a way I'm not sure I'll ever understand or experience.

I don't know what to tell him so I turn to doing what I do best, figuring out the why. I pull up his personnel file on the computer and start reading. I'm pretty sure I have it memorized by now, but there has to be something in here – a hint even – somewhere to help me figure out what the problem is. It's in here, I know it.

Damn it all to hell, how could I be so stupid? No wonder…Deaq thinks I've lost my marbles, I can tell by the way he's answering my question with a question. It's clear though that he's as clueless as I've been on this, this day….the silence when the date hits home makes that clear, but at least it tells him what he needs to know. He hangs up abruptly after telling me he knows where his partner is.

Now all I can do is wait. And maybe plot my revenge on Van for putting us through this. Although as his commanding officer I should have kept track of this day…I knew it would be hard for him, but he hid it so well…or maybe I really don't pay enough attention to the men I use to carry out my missions. I know I'm supposed to be the Queen Bitch but still, I can't believe I missed this one.

The phone – I hesitate for a ring before grabbing it. He has him…thank god. He can't have been shot – I would have noticed…but I didn't it. And I stood over him, giving him a hard time about his actions. Billie Chambers, you have some serious ass kissing to do once you know he's okay…Of course he's okay, I made him wear a vest. Stop it, get Dr. Grant on the phone and get over to the hospital. I have a feeling both my boys will need me before this long day is over.

I wait uselessly in the waiting room while Dr. Grant works his magic. I only caught a glimpse of my downed officer, and I don't like being kept in the dark, but here I sit. I tried to talk with Deaq when he was kicked out of the treatment room, but he's gone silent.

When I come back from the cafeteria with coffee and sandwiches, I'm directed up four flights. I start to enter, but hear Deaq talking…his voice is so gentle. It's at odds with the tough cop who works for me. But Van seems to bring out the soft side of everyone who sticks around long enough for him to slide in under their defenses. He does it so easily, most of us are taken aback when we realize he's gotten past all our walls…I sneak a peak and manage to get in the room without disturbing them. Van is talking now…his voice raspy. This is clearly a private moment, and I feel like a voyeur, so I slip out again.

They're both asleep. Deaq is holding Van's hand and Van's hand is resting on his partner's neck. I can feel the tension leaving my body and all I really want to do is cry. How I let these two in is beyond me. They both look so young… I'll have to remember to add a thanks to my prayers tonight for keeping them safe.

I guess I better start figuring out the lecture Van is going to get for pulling this stunt. Why didn't he just tell us it had been a year since he lost Dre? I know why he didn't tell Deaq. It's still a difficult subject for the two – mostly because Van still won't accept the fact it wasn't his fault. Still he could have told me.

Maybe now it's time for both of them to come clean on this subject. It would probably do them a world of good. Okay I'm starting to sound like Dr. Phil here so it must be time to go home. They're in good hands, and Deaq will call if they need anything. I take on last look at my boys and leave the room.


End file.
